The Stars Will Shine

stillnesspeaks @ 2008-06-16T18:51:00

2008-06-16T22:52:22Z

thank you so much brand new, for writing down the words to explain how i feel.

stillnesspeaks @ 2008-06-13T11:42:00

2008-06-13T15:43:03Z

true story, life is confusing as all get out, stressfull beyond belief, but more amazing than anything else out there. end of story

the sands of time keep on falling

2008-06-04T02:02:35Z

I look around me,
But all I seem to see,
Is people going no where,
Expecting sympathy.

It's like we're going through the motions,
Of a scripted destiny.
Tell me where's our inspiration,
If life wont wait,
I guess it's up to me.

Woah!
No, we're not gonna waste another moment in this town.
Woah!
And we won't come back your world is calling out.
Woah!
We'll leave the past in the past,
Gonna find the future.
If misery loves company well,
So long, you'll miss me when I'm gone.

Ooh, ooh, ooh.
You're gonna miss me when I'm gone.
Ooh, ooh, ooh.

Procrastination, running circles in my head.
While you sit there contemplating,
You wound up left for dead (left for dead)
Life is what happens while you're busy making your excuses.
Another day, another casualty.
And that won't happen to me.

Ooh, ooh, ooh.
You're gonna miss me when I'm gone.
Ooh, ooh, ooh.
You're gonna miss me when I'm gone.
When I'm gone-

Let's go!

Won't look back,
When I say goodbye.
I'm gonna leave this a hole behind me,
Gonna take what's mine tonight.
Because every wasted day becomes a wasted chance.
You're gonna wake up feeling sorry,
Because life wont wait,
I guess it's up to you.

some days

2008-05-28T20:43:21Z

some days, you feel like you really made a difference in someone's life. other days, you feel like your just wasting your time

today, i wasted my time

i'm willing to break myself

2008-05-23T12:35:18Z

check out what my sister sent me! i so want an awesome globe when i get my house

life is a road, and i want to keep on driving

2008-05-21T14:30:54Z

i can post this in here, because i know hannah wont read it.

today is my parents 25th anniversary. and i should feel any emotion except the one i'm feeling. im freaking out. in a few short months, i'll be waiting for hannah to walk down to say she does. i'm scared. i am so fucking scared that its not even funny. what if she walks down and desides she doesnt want to be with me? what if im a shitty husband?

im having a bit of a freak out.

stillnesspeaks @ 2008-05-16T22:07:00

2008-05-17T02:09:12Z

have u ever met a new friend and then remember that you had already met them?

ive been riding with someone that i thought was a pretty new friend, then, while just laying in bed, i remembered that i met him years and years ago. weird huh?

been awhile, again

2008-05-14T18:48:04Z

havnt posted in awhile, but its all good. been a busy week. i got my shift at work finally. i start that on friday. also i was put on the education staff at community east, pay is super shitty, but i was doing it for free, and they desided to pay me for it, so hell, they could give me a buck and hour and i would be more than happy.

"tony, teach them how to start IV's and i'll get you a Jr. Bacon"
"hell yeah!"

also im almost finished with hannah's bike. it needs some work that i really dont want to do, but it is ridable. i'm fixing adem's bike up with a new frame soon. that would be good, get him out and riding with me more. holla!

sad day

2007-11-12T15:19:30Z

so every site that i go to while i'm at school, i.e. myspace, adult swim, and addictinggames are all blocked. even youtube is. so i'm going nuts here.

thank you community east

2007-09-25T20:16:03Z

today we lost a patient. now this is nothing new to me, i deal with death day in and day out. there are nights i see more death than life it seems. what made today different, made it worth mentioning, is that last night, i was training a brand new EMT. we're talking about 2 weeks out of class, still wet behind the ears, FNG (fucking new girl) this was her first time dealing with death. when we unloaded her at community east, they worked him for about 3 min. and then declared him dead. now my poor trainy had never seen death this close, she began to weep. here's the part of the story that is my point, a older, very experienced nurse by the name of debbie who i have had many dealings with, saw my EMT and held her while she cried. she told her that she and they did everything that they could have done, and it was just their time to go. she held my EMT for a good 5 min. untill she stopped weeping. thank you debbie and thank you commmunity east for helping her deal with her first death

i want it!

2007-09-17T16:17:52Z

i want my new bike parts so i can start working on my bike like now!

drip drip

2007-09-15T16:15:40Z

drip drip goes the sodium chloride drip in the back of the truck. it then travels down the tubing, going into a little needle that has been placed in a poor girls arm. the sodium chloride makes its way to the girls veins, which then makes it to the heart. the heart pumps it to the eye, and that drip finds it way to the girls open tear gland. the drip then trickles down her already tear stricken face. there is a steady drip drip of tears landing on the medics pant leg. the medic does not know this girl. he does not know why she was shot, nor is that any of his concern. he has a caring hand on her shoulder, a warm embrace to let her know she will be alright. his eyes stares at the heart monitor, which is going twice as fast as it should be. drip drip goes blood, falling from the girls arm, without the needle in it. despite all of the efforts of the medic, the arm wouldnt stop bleeding completely, but he would settle for a steady drip drip. the poor girl looks up at the medic, so calm in spite of having left a horrific gang battle, that had claimed the lives of two of her close friends, and put a nice sized hole in her arm. She is so surprised how calm and collected he is. she whispers thank you, but her weak attempts were drowned out by the loud sirens that had been splitting the quite summer night. this moment for her, means everything in the world. how someone could put their own life in danger, just to help save hers. she tells herself, this is the most amazing thing ever. but for the medic, its just another tuesday night.

stillnesspeaks @ 2007-09-07T14:41:00

2007-09-07T18:46:42Z

alright. the low down on tony's hours. work this week. only 50 hours
school, zero hours
ambulance clinicals 36 hours
ER clinicals 16 hours
time in car to get there 5 hours
hours in a week 168

so...104 our of the 168 hours were taken.

that leaves 64 hours to sleep. the average person sleep 7 hours a night. so that is 49 hours gone. leaving only 15 hours. but wait, lets say you spend an hour a day eating! that only leave us with 8. all fucking week. not to mention that i had homework and such. good week amaerica

i just know it

2007-09-04T12:29:52Z

i just know that, as much as you like to believe that u have moved on, you still have days where you wonder.

just so you know, i am who i am because of you. but not the way you would have liked.

i promised i wouldnt be a firefighter, but i'm already there. hell i'm almost a fire medic.

i'm still strait edge, because you are not

all of the morals i hold dear to me, i've had since before you. it just makes me smile knowing that you threw yours away so long ago.

and if you do read this, im not saying i hate you by any means. i just sometimes look at old pictures to remind myself that this is what i want.

p.s. i hope you are happy cause i still do love you

sometimes, i wish i could stamp my name on those that i saved.

2007-08-29T22:57:23Z

so i saved someone HUGLY today. got there. pulseless V-fib. IV, intabated. CPR. the drugs that i pushed were Amioderone....450mg Lidocaine....4.5mg Epi 1:10,000.....only god knows, but i had a lot of empty vials. Procaimide....90 mg. not to mantiain the 18 times i shocked him at 360j.

so he had a pulse when he left me. but if he does live past the ER, or ICU, he will never have a functioning kindney again due to the epi dump. from the amioderone his skin will be blue, and i dont even want to know about the broken ribs or brain damage from being down so long would be.

just one of those days isnt it?

2007-08-22T22:35:50Z

well, today has been a weird one all around. i slept a lot, had a bunch of food. only spent about 2 bucks today. my older sis and her room mate will are still in town. they have been here for a good week now, but they are leaving really soon. and that makes me sad. she lives in VA where she is stationed for the navy. i really dont want her to leave. its weird how when someone is gone you dont think about them, but once they are back, you dont want them to leave from your life. and also, if kate and will got married, i would be alright with that. he's a really awesome guy. in other news' i really fucked up my ankle. i thought i broke it, but it turns out its just a really really really bad sprain. i cant walk on it unless i am wearing an air cast. but the most important thing is the ring is being made. i got a call back with a price, and i gave them the go ahead. so i will guy it with my only credit card i have (i got this card JUST for this ring.) then i am going to cut the card up, and pay the ring off. thats what the bitches at tifany's gets for not financing me. poor credit my ass. haha stupid ring maker bitch, i win!

now i recall

2007-08-20T01:55:35Z

now i recall why i didnt like livejournal back in the day. people post a blog, then you comment on it. now the bitch part here is, people can comment on your comments

now, i know i dont always know the nicest things to say. hell everyone in EMS is a bit tactless.
crying for you, i am sorry if what i said upset u. i didnt mean it to at all. i truly am sorry.

couple of days

2007-08-17T15:28:16Z

sorry, its been a couple of days since i posted last. been busy as hell. so i work nights now, and indy is either quite or crazy as hell. some nights i will go to work and sleep, and others i'll pick up 3 gunshot wounds and a stabbing. but its weird, even when i sleep the whole time there, i'm still tired as hell. i had to cancel a clinical today because i was to tired to function. but when i get about 2 hours of sleep on my own bed, i'm more than happy to go anywhere. so from now on, i'm giong to force myself to go. i can make this clincal up on wenessday anyways. so i'm alright i guess. school has been good. i recently passed my paitent assesmnet exam with an 89. not to shabby if i say so myself. now we are in cardiology. yay! (not really)

so i am going to leave everyone with this question. what is the favorite thing about you?

8/14/07 tuesday

2007-08-14T21:23:23Z

went into work last night, hung around till about 5 (and by hanging around, i mean i was fast asleep) then we had this nice little shuffle cause we got three calls in about the same time. all in the same area. non of which really needed an ambulance, all they needed was a taxi. so i go home, and i've been debating this for awhile now, but today was the day i look for an engagement ring. and i found the most amazing design, so i have it ordered, and its all being made right now. i dont have a price yet, but i thought i should get a loan to cover it. turns out my white ass cant get a loan, but i can get a credit card in the amount of the loan....so that works i guess?

rode a lot today, hell even know i'm thinking about going back to the skatepark cause its so nice outside, apart from the rain here and there.

8-13-07 monday

2007-08-14T00:16:36Z

today started like many mondays, i struggled against my better judgment to get out of bed. when faced with the option of staying in bed, or getting up and going to school, bed just sounds so much better. but i had a pretty uneventful day at medic school. we started cardiology, which is the second more important part of being a paramedic, refractory to pharmacology via my teacher. The only problem with today, was the whole time i was in there learning about the AV node refractory period, and blah blah blah, all i could do was day dream about riding my bike. the whole time thats all i could think of. it drove me crazy! But a plus side, today i was cleared to give out meds. all kinds all ways. so now i am your favorite drug dealer! holla!

so i had to make another hard choice, i could either hang with my girl hannah, or ride my bike, and today my bike won. i was out at the skatepark for a good 3 hours. good times. very good times. i still havnt gotten tailwips down yet, but i got CLEAN tuck no handers back. i remember how much i loved them. so sexy. oh so sexy. now i got about 2 hours before i have to be at work for the night. lets hope for a nice quite night, so i can sleep the whole time! that would be amazing! but i know once i fall asleep, there will be some little bitch who decides today i think i'm going to try and OD. so Tony has to wake his sleepy ass up, and go save my life. just watch!

all comming back to me now

2007-08-13T03:00:07Z

i'm still getting new people to join the live journal scene, i think i'm going to message them via myspace to start in on it as well. i used to love reading these things, i mean, all my friends had one, and they just updated me on their lives. myspace isnt about that at all, and i dont like seaching for people to read their blogs, when all they care about is pic comments. fuck all that. long live LJ!

over a year

2007-08-12T19:30:10Z

its been over a year since i wrote in this thing, to be honest with you, i kinda miss it. i used to write in it about once a day, update it all the time. now myspace has taken over. i remeber this because it didnt matter if u were hot or not, all that matter is what u wrote...

stillnesspeaks @ 2006-08-30T21:32:00

2006-08-31T02:35:01Z

only hot tea and milk after 10 for me

stillnesspeaks @ 2006-08-15T13:19:00

2006-08-15T18:20:14Z

the only thing i would take back is everything to do with you

do you?

2006-07-31T14:52:43Z

not many people read my live journal very much, but i'm compleatly fine with that. i mean i talk about things on here that dont really care that everyone knows.

there's a lot of change going on in my live, school starts up again, i'm making a name for myself in the EMS feild, wasted youth is changing, for better or worse i dont know yet. there is a lot of change, but its conforting to know that i have a couple of things i can rely on.

i have hannah and few select friends here if i need them. my family is always here, and my bike is as well.

idk, i'm in a weird state of mind, but it isnt bad.